


Being Us Ain't Good For Us

by RaeMWakefield



Series: Trust Me verse [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bisexual Miya Atsumu, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Friend, Coffee Shop Owner Kuroo Tetsurou, Enemies to Lovers, Jealous Sakusa Kiyoomi, Love Triangles, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings, Sakusa Kiyoomi-centric, Self-Indulgent, foes to hoes, sakuatsu supremacy, this one will be a little dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-21
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-22 04:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30032820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeMWakefield/pseuds/RaeMWakefield
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi had no idea that his life would slowly start to revolve around Miya Atsumu. He couldn’t have been prepared for the amount of space that Atsumu would take up in his life. If Sakusa was honest with himself, he would admit it started at All-Japan Youth Training Camp nine years ago.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Suna Rintarou
Series: Trust Me verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2209311
Kudos: 12





	Being Us Ain't Good For Us

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome. This baby has been living in my head rent-free since I started writing them in Trust Me...
> 
> I gave you Bros to Hoes Bokuroo.... now prepare for Foes to Hoes SakuAtsu.
> 
> Theme's in this "sequel" of sorts are going to be a bit darker than in Trust Me. These ideas and thoughts are a bit more personal and can be hard to read. Please be mindful if this is something that you don't enjoy.
> 
> There is a description of a panic attack, based off of the ones that I have. Please don't read if it triggers you.
> 
> Some of this story won’t make sense unless you read the first one, but it isn’t necessary to read.

Sakusa Kiyoomi had no idea that his life would slowly start to revolve around Miya Atsumu. He couldn’t have been prepared for the amount of space that Atsumu would take up in his life. If Sakusa was honest with himself, he would admit it started at All-Japan Youth Training Camp nine years ago.

But Sakusa was never good at facing feelings he theoretically may have had; he preferred the facts. The fact was that Miya Atsumu was the most brash, loud, arrogant person that Sakusa Kiyoomi had ever met. Atsumu was slightly messy and talked so slow that it sometimes made him want to physically shut him up. Atsumu was so confident in himself that it made Sakusa want to strangle him, but only sometimes.

Miya Atsumu was also the one person that made Sakusa Kiyoomi fall in love before he even realized what happened.

And that’s how Sakusa found himself stuck in a bar with a bunch of half-strangers, watching Suna Rintarou run his contaminated hands all over _his_ Atsumu. Suna was almost just as tall as Sakusa. He had dark hair like Sakusa. He was a hell of a volleyball player like Sakusa. Atsumu clearly had a type, if one was going to ask. Sakusa’s blood boiled when he thought about the literal _years_ that Suna had known Atsumu over him. He seethed quietly behind his mask while looking at Suna’s near vacant expression. Sakusa rarely felt lead to violence, as it usually required physical touch, but he wanted to throttle Suna Rintarou with every inch of his life. 

Sakusa wouldn’t be able to recap the conversation that was happening around him. The world was too hazy with the alcohol running through his veins. His cousin, Motoya Komori, had always been a social butterfly. He was always the life of the party whereas Sakusa would rather fade into the background or never be there at all. Sakusa was _good_ by himself. He worked well enough without other people getting in the way. 

Miya Atsumu knew how to work a crowd. From the moment that Sakusa met him, Miya has been insufferable. Whenever they had interviews, Atsumu would turn up his charm to a thousand. It would always grate on Sakusa’s last nerve to hear his slow, honey like dialect directed at another pretty face. Sakusa would imagine throwing his water glass on the floor just to make someone else’s life harder.

Sakusa tried to shake off the nasty feeling that clawed it’s way into his chest; ugly and visceral. Sakusa was convinced that he was dying the very first time it happened to him. Jealousy was another human emotion that he rarely allowed himself to feel. It was wasteful of his time to focus solely on something that couldn’t be changed. Jealousy wasn’t something he’d ever feel over someone _touching_ another human being, but Atsumu brought out a lot of feelings that he wasn’t used to. 

“It would help if you just walked over there and grabbed him.” The chocolate haired man across from him said. He had one of the prettiest faces that Sakusa had ever seen. The man’s hair was styled in a perfectly messy manner, matching almost the exact tone of his eyes. He’d be mesmerizing, if he wasn’t so infuriating. The man has his chin resting on his palm, shiny silver ring nearly blinding him. The man beside him had a matching silver ring on the hand that was casually wrapped around the man’s bicep. 

“Tooru,” The man clicked his tongue at his partner. He turned his stone-like expression on Sakusa. “I’m sorry about him. He likes to meddle,” 

Tooru, Sakusa assumed, turned to look at the other man in shock. 

“But darling!” He called. “I’ve helped _three_ couples figure out their love life!” 

The darker-haired man rolled his eyes. 

“We don’t count two of those,” he said before looking back at Sakusa. “He doesn’t want advice.” 

Sakusa nodded his head humbly in agreement as the waitress dropped off his third drink of the night. 

Tooru turned to look at Sakusa closely. Sakusa felt uncomfortable having the eyes trained on him. The other man had a stare that begged someone to tell all of their secrets to him. Sakusa shifted uncomfortably in the booth and grabbed the drink for something to do. Sakusa felt naked and that made him scrunch his nose in disgust. 

“He’s just mad that I’m a therapist who knows the inner workings of the human brain,” Tooru winked. “First session is free, if you’re in Tokyo,” 

The dark haired man smacked his partner and yelled something that Sakusa couldn’t quite catch. He furrowed his brows. 

“Thank you but my current therapist is wonderful,” 

Tooru’s eyes crinkled in amusement but he didn’t say anything more, turning toward his husband, Sakusa assumed, and placing kisses all over his face. Sakusa inwardly blanched at the obvious display of affection. His mind started to beg him to scratch the germs from the air off of his skin. Sakusa huffed, allowing the intrusive thought to sit for a minute because he rationalized it away. It worked when Sakusa wasn’t so intoxicated. 

Sakusa turned his eyes back toward where Atsumu was. Sakusa clenched his fist tightly, digging his nails into his palm. His mind felt like it went quiet the moment that Atsumu grabbed Suna’s face and smashed his lips against the middle blockers. There was a buzzing over the music and the voices, but Sakusa couldn’t hear anything. He only saw Atsumu’s tongue down Suna’s throat, and Suna’s hands running greedily down Atsumu’s back. Suna’s _contaminated_ hands were all over Atsumu, leaving trails of grim all on him. Sakusa felt like he was going to throw up. 

Sakusa stood up too quickly and wobbled a little bit as he did. Tooru looked at him questionably, but understood once he followed Sakusa’s line of sight.

“That’s a tough break, babes,” Tooru pouted. “You should’ve talked to him,” 

Sakusa couldn’t look away. 

“There’s nothing to talk to him about,” He stated. Across the room, Suna finally pulled away from Atsumu. His eyes found Sakusa’s automatically and the other man was smirking. Sakusa took in a deep breath and forced himself to remain calm. He could be calm; he’s Sakusa Kiyoomi. He could always be counted on to be collected. Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t lose his cool; even when the situation made him feel like he was going to. “He’s my teammate, nothing else,” 

Iwa snorted into his drink beside his husband. 

“From one former ace to another; setters are a different breed.” Iwa said sagely. 

Sakusa continued to dig his nails into his palm. He was hoping simultaneously that he would and wouldn’t draw his own blood from the pressure. Across the room, Suna was practically purring into Atsumu’s ear while the setter just _allowed_ him to in public. Atsumu had always been a rather tactile person, but Sakusa had never witnessed the famous shamelessness that was Miya Atsumu before. Sakusa pressed the back of his palm to his forehead; he was feeling feverish. 

“This is why I said to talk to him,” Tooru sighed, nodding toward Sakusa’s clenched fist. “You are trying to ground yourself in the worst possible way. We don’t recommend that as professional therapist,”

Sakusa rolled his eyes. 

“They also don’t recommend mixing medication and alcohol, yet here I am,” He snapped. “Excuse me,”

Komori reached out to his arm, making Sakusa flinch harshly away from his cousin. Sakusa looked over at him with a stern gaze and Komori had the tact to at least look remorseful. The table went silent, despite the atmosphere that surrounded them. Sakusa closed his eye to stop the spinning of the room and clenched his fist even tighter. 

“Okay….okay. Let’s get you home,” Komori muttered just loud enough for Sakusa to hear. 

Sakusa’s heart started to pick up and the words that people were saying to him seemed to lose their meaning. He suddenly couldn’t focus on those in front of him. He looked around for something, anything, that could ground him. It wasn’t often that Sakusa had panic attacks in public, but the alcohol lowered his inhibitions. There was suddenly a hand over the back of his, pressure light enough to be comforting. Sakusa couldn’t bare to look up at who it was; he knew by the feel of his palm. Regardless, Sakusa closed his eyes and allowed the feeling to ground him just enough. 

Atsumu was all that Sakusa saw in his blurred vision once he opened his eyes. Atsumu’s lips were moving, but Sakusa couldn’t make out what he was saying. Sakusa furrowed his eyebrows and tried his best to remain calm. He should have taken himself out of the situation when he first started to feel the tell-tale signs of panic. He shouldn’t have allowed Komori or even his jealousy to push him to do something he wouldn’t have ever done. 

“Omi Omi, I need ya to breathe,” Atsumu’s voice finally connected. “Ya gotta breathe,” 

Sakusa’s anger flashed, but he felt powerless as he had to listen to Atsumu. 

“Does he have his meds on him?” Komori asked with a confused look on his face.

“You can’t mix them,” Tooru snapped. “You’re medicated _and_ drinking?!” 

Atsumu shot the man a nasty look. 

“Shut yer mouth!” He snapped. “Omi-Omi, you gotta drink some water okay? Please drink some water,” 

Sakusa nodded his head slightly and closed his eyes. He focused on the rhythmic tapping that Atsumu was currently doing on the back of his hand. There was a bottle pressed to his lips and he slowly opened them to allow someone to tip the water bottle back. Sakusa drank greedily until he felt like he was gonna choke. He shut his mouth, letting the water overflow onto his nice shirt that he chose for the evening. He focused once more on the tapping, making his breathing match the pattern. Sakusa inhaled to the count of ten. He held his breath for a ten count before releasing to another ten count. Sakusa repeated this sequence twice more before he was starting to actually calm down. 

“Maybe it was just too much for him,” A voice that Sakusa didn’t know suggested. 

“Stop crowding him, _now_ ,” The chocolate haired angel yelled, causing professional athletes to jump back from crowding Sakusa. “If you don’t personally know him, get back to your night. We’ve got it from here,” 

Atsumu stopped tapping the rhythm on the back of Sakusa’s hand. 

“Omi? Ya gotta relax yer fist,” Atsumu said softly. 

“Leave me alone,” Sakusa managed to croak out. He opened his eyes slowly to see Atsumu and even Suna standing there still. Komori looked scared from where he was standing with an open water bottle in his hands. Tooru was looking through his phone while his beefy husband was acting as a make-shift bodyguard. “I’m fine. Just let me get home,” 

Atsumu veered back like he’d been slapped. 

“Yer a real piece ‘o work, Omi,” Atsumu spat, looking every bit of angry as Sakusa felt. He tossed up his hands dramatically. “Go fuck yerself then,” 

Sakusa was sadistic. 

“That’s what you were for,” He said, knowing that he’d live to regret it. The reaction from Atsumu was just as bad as he expected it to be. Atsumu’s face went from angry to kicked puppy. He rolled his eyes to play it off, but Sakusa knew that he’d cry about it later. Atsumu was always easy to bring to tears, unlike himself. Suna stood with a barely expressive face beside Atsumu, and Sakusa raged on the inside. 

“Okay that’s enough,” Iwa stated, scooping in between the two of them. Sakusa didn’t remember standing up. “We all swear to never speak of this again if we all just calm down.” 

Suna’s contaminated hands were latched back onto Atsumu’s free arm. Sakusa’s eyes tracked the movement before looking back up and meeting Atsumu’s eyes. 

“Nothing ever happened anyway,” Sakusa said harshly. 

Atsumu didn’t get a chance to respond before he was being tugged away by the darker haired man. Sakusa was wrangled toward the exit past everyone else by Tooru, Iwa and Komori. Sakusa’s skin felt like bugs were crawling all over it. He wanted to scratch his skin off of his body until it was clean again. Sakusa hadn’t felt like this in nearly a year. He hadn’t had an episode in such a long time that he thought maybe he was getting better. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi was fine before all of this started and now it’s all Miya Atsumu’s fault. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  
  


Sakusa woke up with a pounding headache and his arms wrapped in a vice grip around his pillow. The sun was beaming right on his face and he secretly cursed himself for not closing it yesterday. He supposed that it was his fault for everything that had happened in the past few months. Atsumu was always forgetting to close the curtains whenever he would stay over that somewhere along the lines of their situationship, Sakusa started to forget to fix it back. That was the issue with their relationship; Sakusa was starting to act like a different person. 

Sakusa groaned and slowly moved his arms from around the pillow. He stretched his back until it popped in several places. His curls were a mess and his skin still felt disgusting, despite having managed a shower before he passed out on his bed last night. Sakusa was reminded why he didn’t actively drink. He had finally gotten to the point in his life where he didn’t have to take medication all of the time so he was given the clear to drink. It just so happened that Sakusa didn’t make the best decisions when he was angry. He didn’t know that seeing Atsumu would push him toward a panic attack. 

_It wasn’t Atsumu who pushed you_

Sakusa shook his head lightly. It was easier to blame Atsumu instead of realizing that sometimes it's his inability to deal with intense emotions until they combust. Sakusa drug his hands over his face and took in a long, deep breath. His life was perfectly fine with the routine that he used to have. The last two months have been hard for him to try to gain some normalcy back with Atsumu’s absence in his life. 

The issue was that Atsumu left a large hole behind in Sakusa’s life. The man didn’t realize how or when it happened, but he fell in love with Atsumu and now he was beyond repair. Sakusa longed for the days where they were barely glances passed between the two of them. He wished that he could have a do-over. If Sakusa could have a do-over, he would have never grasped Atsumu close and kissed him with every inch of his life. He would have never said yes to a movie marathon with Atsumu. He would have _never_ become friends with him in the first place. 

Sakusa stood up slowly and made his way toward his shower. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his reflection. He knew that he’d see someone that he didn’t like. Sakusa let out a huff and started the shower, not bothering to check the water before he started to undress. He slowly slipped into the water, the steam wrapping around him like a strangling blanket. Sakusa started to scrub his skin until he turned pink. He still didn’t feel clean. He took in a deep breath and forced himself to turn the water colder. He forced his hands to be gentle as they washed away the grim that he felt like was still on his skin. 

It wasn’t until Sakusa was starting to wake up that he felt his emotions slowly start to fall around him. He was a mess. There were so many things that Sakusa could have done or said, but he always chose self-preservation. Sakusa’s entire life was centered around protecting himself; his body, mind and emotions. He would do anything that he could to protect himself, even at the cost of others. Sakusa was more than fine being alone, and he really did prefer being alone. 

There used to be a peace in solitude, but now Sakusa just felt numb. He missed Atsumu’s psychobabble as they showered together. He missed Atsumu messing up every part of his life. He missed Atsumu’s body pressed tightly against his. He missed his laughter in the morning as he made them breakfast. He missed waking up to a cup of coffee in bed, even if he’d playfully yell at Atsumu for doing it. Sakusa missed being a part of a relationship, if it could be called that, that he felt like they were equals. He even missed being coddled by Atsumu at every chance the other man would get. 

Sakusa slowly pulled himself out of the shower and began to get himself dressed. He was grateful that his cousin and Bokuto’s friends were so kind in getting him back home so easily. He never wanted to drink like that again, and vowed to never be pulled into something because he was jealous. The ugly rage machine had left his body. Sakusa felt the guilt creep in when flashes of Atsumu’s hurt face flashback in his mind. He didn’t get it, really, he didn’t. He had never formed such an attachment before, and this felt like it was going to kill him. 

There were many apologies that Sakusa had to make for the previous night, but he really didn’t know where to start. Komori was easy enough, having a life-time experience of his prickliness. Komori had told him not to worry about apologizing in the morning when he was dropped off last night. Sakusa still couldn’t shake the feeling so he sent a few texts from his phone, and thankfully didn’t get a response. Apologizing to Atsumu was out of the question right now; Sakusa’s wounds felt too fresh. His emotions felt too raw. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi was known for his control over his emotions, and now he felt like he had no control at all.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second installment! Hopefully you enjoy

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise sequel on the same day as my last chapter?  
> Dang. This takes place durning chapter 12 of TMMLWLYD. 
> 
> My first SakuAtsu, let me know what you guys think!


End file.
